(ZENIT News / Rome, 13.03.2025).- “It’s not easy to forgive, especially when one has been betrayed in love, in words, in trust. Love in marriage must always be improved looking at Jesus, at Mary, at Saint Paul’s hymn of charity. If there is love, love is capable of patience, of mending, of repairing,” wrote Pope Francis in the pages of “Piazza San Pedro”, the monthly review that explores topics of faith, spirituality and daily life, responding, — as he does every month –, to one of the letters addressed to him.
The letter is that of a woman betrayed by her husband, who wonders whether she should forgive, asking for a sign to understand that to forgive the unforgivable is really what is right.
Before his hospitalization, the Holy Father paid attention to Catia’s case, which represents the condition of many couples and families today.
“But every story is always special, different, unique. “Forgiveness is a personal and free act, which takes strength from the spirit, grace and love of God,” wrote the Pontiff, who encourages forgiveness, suggesting a well-defined path: “In this quest of true love with patience, kindness, benevolence, reciprocity, Catia, you can ask your husband to undertake a path of accompaniment together, for instance, [having] some meetings with a Christian couple committed to supporting wounded couples, sharing life experiences, difficulties, forgiveness, reconciliation.”
Following is the full text of the letter and the Pope’s answer.
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Letter to the Pope
Dear Holy Father,
I have in my hand the “Piazza San Pedro” review, and my eyes fill with tears. I’ve discovered that my husband has been cheating on me for over a year with a younger woman. The reason? For having asked him for a child, for which he says he is not ready today.
Despite the immense pain, I put our marriage in the first place and tried to rebuild trust and hope, asking the Holy Spirit to give me the strength to forgive. I saw him sincerely repented and he came back to the faith, starting to pray with me every day and accompanying me to Mass on Sundays. But he continued lying to me during all those months, listening to the other [woman] and agreeing with her in the lies he was telling me to conceal the gravest things; I feel wounded, deceived, humiliated and lost.
How can I find the strength to forgive all this? How can I believe in his words again? How can I uproot from my heart the memory with all that he did with another, including in our own home?
I feel lost and abandoned, although, in my heart, I feel I still love him very much. I would only like a sign, something that will make me see that to forgive the unforgivable is right, that I haven’t lost my dignity and that God is by my side and supports me.
My heartfelt thanks, Pope Francis,
Catia
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The Holy Father’s Answer: “If there is love, love heals and repairs”
Dear Catia,
It’s not easy to forgive, especially when one is betrayed in love, in words, in trust. In the Gospel, Jesus exhorts us to forgive always, as we read in Matthew’s Gospel (Matthew 18:21-35). God always forgives us, and He wants us to do the same. Love, as I wrote in the fourth chapter of “Amoris Laetitia” (the Apostolic Exhortation following the 2016 Synod on the Family), goes beyond justice and overflows freely, because freely we have received and freely we give (cf. Matthew 10:8).
But every story, however, is always special, different, unique. Forgiveness is a free, personal act, which takes strength from the spirit, from grace and from God’s love. Your question, Catia, deep down makes us see that the question of forgiveness, which, I repeat, is always a gift and a personal and human act, is also a separate issue from the positive dynamics of a marital history. These aspects can be intertwined (one is good for the other, and vice-versa), but one must also pay attention to the personal path of forgiveness, which heals wounds and discards all resentment and judgment about the other’s life, in face of the marital verification of being together in charity and truth, and which has its own autonomy separate from the capacity to forgive.
“In some cases — one reads in chapter 6 of “Amoris Laetitia” (p. 241) –, consideration of one’s own dignity and the good of the children imposes a limit to the excessive demands of the other, to great injustices, to violence or a lack of respect that has become chronic. It must be acknowledged that there are cases in which separation is inevitable. Sometimes it can even become morally necessary, when it’s about removing the weaker spouse, or the small children, from the most serious wounds caused by harassment and violence, discouragement and exploitation, distancing and indifference.”
You ask for a sign to understand that to forgive the unforgivable is right. Yes, it’s right, but not the only thing that must be done. Catia, reread also the fourth chapter of ‘Amoris Laetitia’. Love in marriage must always be improved, looking at Jesus, at Mary, at Saint Paul’s hymn of charity. If there is love, love is capable of having patience, of mending, of repairing.
In this quest for true love with patience, kindness, benevolence, reciprocity, Catia, you can ask your husband to undertake a path of accompaniment together, for instance, [have] some meetings with a committed Christian [couple] in support of wounded couples, sharing life experiences, difficulties, forgiveness, reconciliation. There are couples in parishes that do this service, sometimes with specific knowledge (assessment or psychological support).
Sometimes, these couples have themselves surmounted serious situations and now live serenely. And it’s important to listen to them.
This might be the sign you request. Of course, it can be an obstacle race, but together a genuine marital conversion can be lived. With prayer and forgiveness, which build and strengthen each one’s conversion the good grows and can overcome any evil. Nothing is impossible for God. Let’s hope that your husband accepts this path, because — if there is love in the couple — love can heal all wounds and resurrect the marriage.
I shall pray for you, Catia, and for your marriage. Don’t forget to pray for me.
Pope Francis
