(ZENIT News / Vatican City, 10.31.2024).- During the month of November in which the Church traditionally remembers the faithful departed, the Pope invites us to pray with him for all those who have lost a child. Fathers and mothers who have experienced this “particularly intense” pain, which defies all human logic, for – as Pope Francis reminds us in his video message that accompanies his prayer intention – “it’s not natural to outlive your child.”
A pain that leaves you without words
We are so unprepared to survive the death of a child, Pope Francis observes in The Pope Video for this month, that not even our dictionary contains a word to accurately describe this condition of life. “You see, when one spouse loses the other, they are a widower or a widow. A child who loses a parent is an orphan. There’s a word for that. But when a parent loses a child, there’s no word. The pain is so great, that there’s no word.”
Among other things, the Pope reminds us that there is no word, because before the loss of a son or daughter, words “aren’t helpful.” Even “words of encouragement” that “are at times banal or sentimental,” but are “spoken with the best intention, of course, can end up aggravating the wound.” In the end, the answer lies elsewhere. To speak to these parents, “we need to listen to them, to be close to them with love, to care responsibly for the pain they feel, imitating how Jesus Christ consoled those who were afflicted.”
Rebirth from pain
Pope Francis recalls that some families, “by suffering such a terrible tragedy as this, have been reborn in hope.” The key was the support of their faith, the presence of that “Spirit of consolation” whom the Pope invokes in his prayer intention, who brings “peace of heart.” Some of these families are among the protagonists of The Pope Video this month, that combines stories of tremendous pain and hope.
We see Serena’s pain, who threw herself into Pope Francis’s arms at Gemelli Hospital, weeping for her little Angelica who had just died from a genetic illness. It is the pain felt by Luke and Paula, the parents of Francesco who was hit by a car in October of 2022 when he was 18 years old. Not a day goes by that they do not return to the site of the accident, or lay flowers on his grave. It is also the pain felt by Janet, the mother of William, murdered at the age of 21 by gang members for his stance against violence.
But images of hope are not lacking, such as the Nain group that originated in the Romena community where families who have lost a child gather once a month. The group takes its name from the place not far from Nazareth where Jesus came across a widow whose only son had died. Without words, Jesus touched the bier on which her dead son lay – a sign that, in the face of such great pain, actions count much more than words.
Bringing one’s own pain to Jesus
It was specifically to the Nain group, gathered in November of 2023 in Paul VI Hall, that Pope Francis said, “being Christians means taking care of those who are wounded and those who are in pain, so as to kindle small lights where all seems to be lost.” When faced with the death of a child (“an immense pain, inconsolable, that must never be trivialized by empty words and superficial answers”), to care for those who are suffering means above all “knowing how to weep together” and “bringing together the cry of one’s grief to Jesus.”
“The loss of a child is an experience that does not accept theoretical descriptions and rejects the banality of religious or sentimental words, of sterile encouragement or circumstantial phrases that, while they are intended to console, end up hurting even more those who, like you, face a tough inner battle every day,” Pope Francis reiterated in March of this year at the gathering of the parents of the “Talitha Kum” Association of Vicenza.
For Pope Francis, a sorrow like that of the loss of a child, “so agonizing and without explanation, needs only to cling to the thread of a prayer,” a cry directed to God at every moment, which does not resolve the tragedy, but which expresses repeatedly asked questions, questions begging to know where God was at that moment and which, at the same time, give strength to move on and find consolation in prayer.
A call to prayer and hope
Father Cristóbal Fones, S.J., acting International Director of the Pope’s Worldwide Prayer Network, reflects: “The pain of losing a child is immense. Before this reality, rather than trying to say many things, we need to approach it lovingly, freely, and respectfully. We know that God never ceases to console and be near those who suffer. It is necessary to accompany this situation through proximity and gentleness, being careful to find the right language that allows us to be near without trying to deny their pain, knowing that what moves and inspires us is always the experience of the God of life.” Father Fones invites us to join in prayer with the Pope so that the Holy Spirit might bring that peace and consolation which He alone can give to those hearts wounded by this tragedy.
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